There is a struggle, and that struggle is unbelief. There is a rest, and that rest is the promised land. There is a promised land, and that promised land is me. Christ in me is the land that flows with milk and honey. I labor to enter the rest that comes with being comfortable in my own skin, accepting and receiving the me that God created. All the anxiety and unrest I experience is a fight with that which is false in me. I am contending for the faith to be who I already am in Christ.
Recognizing Christ as He lives through me does not happen all at once. I move in and out of the ease of believing. I enter and exit the rest and then labor to return yet again. It is the work required to believe in the Son. It is the struggle to say with confidence that I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. It is the working out of my salvation that knows the life I live I live by faith in Him for He is at work in me causing me to will and to work for His good pleasure. It is the life of faith unbelief is the resistance. Once I pass through the veil of unbelief it is easy to walk in a finished work.
The distraction of outer works and the inner fear of religious ideas about who I am are the barriers in need of breaking. Pressing through, entering the rest, and being who I am are synonymous with walking in grace. Life is never easier than when I am free to be who I am in any given situation.
Not to enter this rest is to never be myself and to never be myself is to never really live. My degree of unrest, unbelief, and lack of grace will also measure my inability to recognize Christ as my life. The fear of letting go of religion and legalism is the fear of emptiness. What if Christ isn’t really living in me as me? Faith takes the leap that allows God to prove His own presence. I will let go of the illusion of a separate Susan in order to receive God’s Susan. The gift of my true personhood in Christ is the greatest gift I have been given, and to choose her is to choose in favor of God’s plan.
Moving in union with Christ occurs in the moment. As I take that all-important pause between stimulus and response I begin to possess myself rather than giving way to the reactions of old programming. Listening in silence and hearing His voice becomes the practice of His presence. Christ is the vision I write; I write so that even when I run I do not lose the clear view of who I am.
Authenticity is rare. A clear reflection builds confidence in the existence of the original. To evidence union is to give others the hope of experiencing Him as their own true self. Jesus Christ is multiplied, increased, and lifted up so that others are drawn to Him.
Faith is that bold ingredient that gives me the freedom to behave like a new creation. It steps outside of religion, legalism, and conformity to allow Christ to be Himself through His union with me. Only then am I truly bread for others. Waking up to this mystery isn’t about being good…it’s about being me. Through communion He gives me the courage to be myself. I repent my way to who I really am. I turn from the false to the real a million times a day if necessary. I leave the wilderness of the false and fragile ego, and let go of the memory of old familiar identities. I repent every time unbelief temporarily clouds my view of my true being in Christ and each time that lapse causes my actions to conflict with who I know myself to be.
There is a burning desire within me to simply be myself; unencumbered by the fear of man. In being who I am, every craving is satisfied from within and has nothing to do with outer conditions or relationships. When I walk in my freedom, others around me are freed. I take off false expectations and free them to be themselves.
I ache for Christ to be Himself in, through, and as me. The labor (the work, delivery, or birth) is worth it, for I am bearing the authentic Susan – the God-breathed and critically necessary expression of Christ that I am. The desire to be myself has nothing to do with selfishness. It has to do with a kernel of corn falling into the ground to multiply; it is God making make peace through His blood to reconcile all things unto Himself; it is the Father answering the Son’s cry in John 17; the joy of the vessel being filled with true Substance, and the branch abiding in the Vine. When I am “me” His will is done and life becomes worth living.